Do you ever say things to yourself that you would never say to a friend? Especially when you don’t live up to your own expectations? Have you ever noticed scenarios where you give advice to a friend that you don’t follow? Many of us inherently have more kindness, patience, empathy for friends and sometimes strangers than we do ourselves. 

It’s common to have an inner critic judging the self as better than or less than. The truth is we are no better than or less than any human. Part of the human experience is a drive to improve that often creates harsh criticism. There is often a belief if we are too kind to ourselves we will become indulgent, lazy and unmotivated. 

The research shows just the opposite. When we are harsh on ourselves our cortisol fires we get stressed and overtime depressed and don’t want to do anything. When we are kind and supportive we feel more connected, in tune and in touch our serotonin and feel good chemicals fire and we are more likely to create. 

3 exercises to develop self-compassion:

1. Treat yourself as you would treat your bestie. Imagine having a coffee with yourself and telling yourself what is going on wether in relationships or in creative or work projects. Respond to doubts or judgements with love, kindness, empathy and patience. 

2. Awareness / Mindfulness – become the neutral observer in your mind. For example if you notice yourself doing something ‘wrong’ say hmmm that’s interesting. Become curious as to what is going on for you rather than telling yourself you are bad. Ask yourself what am I really wanting or needing here?

3. Get off the better than or less than see-saw. If you notice you are feeling better than or less than go hmmm that’s interesting and remind yourself you are no better than or less than anyone. You have inherent worth and you matter just because you are human. You are a creative being so why not focus on what it is you want to create in life. 

Photo credit: Marlon Alves