This story captures the power of equanimity – meeting experiences in an even way by tempering your emotional reactions. 

Equanimity is one of Rudolf Steiner’s six basic exercises of Anthroposophy. Steiner is best known for Steiner Schools which he never wanted them to be named after him but called Waldorf schools. He was such an incredible yet humble man. It is because of lectures he gave that whole movements started.

Steiner / Wardolf schools are the largest non denominational schools in the world, there is even one in Kathmandu, Nepal (which I was fortunate to visit). Steiner’s lectures were like Ted talks – ideas definitely worth sharing and people saw that. He gave over 6000 lectures in his life on a variety of topics including medicine, colour, architecture,  art, farming, education,  special needs and more. Biodynamic farming originated from 3 weeks worth of lectures he gave to farmers, and like the schools, spread all the world and continue to flourish today!

Wow!

If you want something to research I suggest checking him out. I am huge fan of his and used to teach at the Steiner School in Sydney so if you have any question please get in touch.

One way to develop equanimity is to practice waiting 3 seconds before responding to anything for 21 days. So when your phone rings, you get an email, you spill a drink: wait three seconds before you do anything.

When I completed this exercise it gave me an amazing habit to take a pause in situations where I previously would have reacted and said or did something I later wished I hadn’t. Have you ever snapped at a loved one or had road rage in the car in front of your kids / friends?

The 3 Seconds Exercise creates a habit of a small pause! It seems simple to wait to answer a phone or answer a question but it creates an amazing strength…

The small pause is magical!!

It allows you to contemplate – what do I want to create in the situation?

What is the most vital action for me to take that is in harmony with service to myself and service to others?

I invite you to experiment with the ‘Waiting 3 Seconds’ exercise. If 3 weeks seems like too much, do it for one day.

This is the difference between reacting and responding.

Reacting happens when there is no space between the stimulus and the response like a knee that jerks when hit on the tendon under the patella.

If a person receives a compliment they will likely feel happy, if a person receives an insult they will likely feel angry or hurt, automatically, with no space in between, it happens in a instant.

A person who is training themselves to achieve self mastery will observe their mind and how it wants to react to the insult or compliment and create a space between to make a choice.

They will respond rather than react, and if they are wise that response will be moving them in the direction of their goals and dreams.

Another exercise is to Observe your feelings, restrain strong responses and strengthen feeble ones. Do this for 4 weeks.

This exercise is not done with an object or at a fixed time, but throughout the day. When something happens to you, look at your feelings, either at that moment or later.

If you start with this exercise, at first you might not experience many different feelings, but in the course of four weeks there appear to be more and more, both positive and negative, with fierce and feeble reactions. It may help to make a list or a map of your feelings and their intensity at the end of the day.

Feelings are like the weather. They are just there. We experience them, but unlike the weather we can adjust our reaction by our thoughts.

• An example: I say something to someone. He leaves the room and the door closes with a bang. I get scared and feel fear. Is this banging of the door a response to what I said? Did I hurt him? But is this thought justified? Perhaps the door was shut by a gust of wind. When the person comes back and smiles or says something like: the door fell out of my hand, then I am reassured and understand that my response was not correct and slowly I will be able to change my attitude to the slamming of a door. A next time I will be less scary and perhaps I am more neutral to such an event.

• Another example: when I am pushed in my back while walking in the street, I feel anger, annoyance or fear. When I see that I was pushed by a blind person, I understand that he could not help it. Perhaps that thought leads to a modified feeling about the event. And I can take it a step further by cultivating the thought: “Others may be blind to how they affect others. It is their ignorance or failure to see, that leads others to act towards me in ways that may evoke my anger.” Then, gradually, this thought permeates us and our feelings and reactions become modified. Maybe they are not as intense, or they don’t last so long anymore.

You cannot take a particular moment, but you need to restrain your strong responses at the moment that you experience them, and likewise cherish the subtle ones. When you look back at the end of the day, you will find that sometimes you could do that, and that you missed an opportunity at other times. The next day you go on with that awareness.

It’s not always easy to name feelings. There are feelings that are close to each other and yet different, such as happy and cheerful, anxious and afraid, angry and upset. Negative feelings are often easier to tackle than positive ones.

You need to distinguish feelings from quasi-feelings, which usually start with “I feel”, e.g. taken, used, loved, attacked. Real feelings usually start with “I am”, e.g. angry, happy, sad, surprised. It can help to make a list of feelings.